Time Out
3-10 November 2004

"Going Dutch"

Malcolm Hay on the oddities of sketch outfit the Dutch Elm Conservatoire.

Their keynote sketch involves a farmer and his sheepdog holding an impromptu meeting with the rest of the animals to discuss their concerns about imminent modernisation of the workplace. Other strange comic delicacies include a disturbed character monologue, an operetta about dustbin men, an uncompromising investigation into the life of the Little Chef, and a live bullfight. Then there's the three-second skit about a man going into an estate agent's office.

The five-man collective responsible for this ensemble of oddities (from left to right, Rufus Jones, Stephen Evans, Jordan Long, Jim Field Smith and Renton Skinner) call themselves the Dutch Elm Conservatoire. "None of us is quite sure where the name came from," Field Smith explains. "We had a hankering for calling the group 'a conservatoire' for no reason other than it's an impressive, pretentious and thoroughly meaningless collective noun that simply doesn't get enough coverage. The Dutch Elm bit is a complete mystery. It was added during a drunken conversation in a pub."

This imaginative quintet of sketch creators - all five are comedy writers and actors with separate projects of their own - first came together a couple of years ago: "In the cold winter nights of 2002. Mainly to share body warmth." Their first show emerged in February 2003. "What started as a casual side project has kind of snowballed," Field Smith continues.

This year they took a new show to the Edinburgh Festival for a four-week run. For one London preview a fringe theatre billed them as the Laboratoire Garnier Experiment: "Quite a good name actually. Though we imagined there might be trademark issues. Not to mention attracting the attention of animal rights activists."

Field Smith reckons that having a group of five is largely a bonus: "We're all such odd shapes and sizes that just the five of us standing in a line on the stage, not speaking, is an arresting sight. A bit like a Victorian freakshow." What of the fact that not one of them is a woman? "We came up with an ingenious way of getting round that problem, which is not to have women in the show. I know, we're breaking comedy barriers like tiny matchsticks."

As a result, he adds, the Dutch Elm Conservatoire tends to steer clear of "sexual or gendered material - sketches about relationships and the like". They favour "extreme and fantastical" scenarios. Their characters have to cope with tragic, illogical or frustrating situations: "But, rather than breaking down, they treat these situations with a kind of resigned indifference, or plough on regardless." The humour is dark but remarkably effective. It's reported that in Edinburgh one member of an audience laughed so much they were sick on the floor.

The Dutch Elm Conservatoire plays the Pleasance London from Thur to Sat. See Comedy listings.

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